observations about meeting people in the big city

The advent of mobile technology has made it virtually impossible to give away a dummy phone number these days.

Think about it. When was the last time you scribbled a "fake" phone number on a cocktail napkin so that an unwanted new bar friend would happily slink, bottle and digits clutched clumsily in each hand, back to his clump of watchful friends, and you could get on with your own evening? It was probably a long time ago.

Recently I was at a bar where a guy asked for my phone number, and when I pleaded lack-of-pen, he replied, "Let's do this the old-fashioned way," and flipped open his sleek cell phone, another in the breed of increasingly anorexic handsets that disappear when held in profile. Clever line, I thought. He "took down" my number and then called it, just to make sure I wasn't bluffing.

Herein lies the problem: you can't fib a phone number, because fact-checking is immediate and on-the-spot. It used to be that all you needed was a fake phone number memorized -- maybe it was your real phone number with a couple of digits altered at the end -- in case you had to repeat it on the spot (some guys were *real* skeptics). But there's no longer the lag time, from the minute you leave the person's company, to the time they get home, wait a few days to call, to the moment they find out that you've given them some disconnected line, or some poor soul who lives at your dummy phone number destination. These days, you can immediately call the number you're given, make sure it illuminates the LCD screen on the other person's mobile, recording the missed call and serving the dual purpose of "giving them your number," too.

This brings us around to the fair counterpoint that maybe technology has made the social world a *better* place, because it forces people to be more direct with one another. It makes the game less risky for the phone number requesters. They don't have to wait and see if their call in a few days will be recognized, returned, ignored. I could have just said to this guy, "Well, I don't have a pen, but I don't want to give you my number, either."

But I'm really not a confrontational person. And he seemed nice enough.

In my mind, New York is a gruff enough city that we don't need to be rude to everyone who is trying to make a connection here, and the passive-aggressive fake phone number routine wasn't such a bad way out of a situation that requires some discretion. Give a number, let a person feel good for a little while, maybe they'll chicken out later, when they realize they have to ask you to do something more than appear randomly at a bar that they frequent with their friends, or maybe they'll forget they got your number, or they'll lose it. It's hard enough as it is, making friends in a place where everyone already knows *someone*.

No, the fake phone number ain't gonna hack to it anymore, and I'm going to have to think of a better defense in these situations. Perhaps I should plead no-cell-phone-to-speak-of (a serious consideration at several points this year), but who would believe that?

And anyway, that guy? He didn't call.